Gretchen Rubin explains that there are not two types of people in the world but four. These four types of people have tendencies associated with them and once you learn them and truly experience them, you can see how peculiar the human mind is. The tendency you are born with sticks with you through every single life experience. She makes the very good point that once you learn your tendency, you are able to navigate life with more awareness about yourself and other people. These four types of tendencies are Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. This book allows for you to understand your deeper self and the people who surround you which makes it a must read for everyone.
The Four Tendencies is started with a short background of the four tendencies and why Rubin decided to study this topic. Then there is the Four Tendencies Quiz which tells you which tendency you are. Personally, I am an Upholder as well as Gretchen Rubin, the author. After these two chapters, the book begins to talk about each tendency with an explanation of them and then how to deal with that specific tendency.
The first tendency Rubin talks about is the Upholder which makes up 19% of her conducted study in the United States. The Upholder tendency responds to outer expectations like deadlines and also inner expectations like New Year's resolutions without any issues or questions. The strengths of an Upholder include being a self-starter, being self motivated, conscientious, reliable, thorough, great at sticking to schedules, and is ready to understand and meet expectations like rules. The weaknesses of an Upholder are that they can be defensive, rigid, they can struggle when plans or schedules change, they seem humorless and uptight, become uneasy when rules are unclear, be impatient when others need reminders or supervision, seem demanding, and become anxious about obeying rules and even think about rules that don't exist. Learning more about myself, because I am an Upholder, comforted me because it allowed me to realize why I do certain things and to find outlets when I get upset with other people which is another reason why I think this book is so important.
The next tendency Rubin discusses is the Questioner which makes 24% of her brilliant study. Questioners respond to inner expectations but not outer expectations until they have made them inner expectations. For Questioners they have to find a valid reason for something to exist which allows for outer expectations like school rules to become inner expectations. The strengths of a Questioner is that they are data-driven, fair-minded to their own judgement, interested in creating systems that work, willing to play devils-advocate, comfortable breaking rules or expectations if they find them unnecessary, inner-directed, and they are unwilling to accept things like authority without the reason why. For Questioners, their strengths become their weaknesses. Their weaknesses include suffering analysis-paralysis which means they get stuck trying to find a reason for something that works for them, they become impatient with what they sees as others' complacency, many questioners are conspiracy theorists, they are unable to accept closure on matters that others consider settled if they don't understand why, they may refuse to observe expectations that others find fair or not optional, and they may not answer other's questions. By learning about Questioners, you can find ways to help them with the world around them.
The third tendency that makes up most of the people of Rubin's study is the Obliger which makes 41% of these people. Obligers follow outer expectations like rules make by their company but fail to respond to their inner expectations like self-starting a meal plan for the week. Their strengths are that they are good leaders and team players, they feel great follow outer expectations, they are responsible, they are willing to go the extra mile for things, and they respond quickly and easily to people who count on them. They begin to struggle when they do not have anything to rely on because they feel they cannot rely on themselves. This leads to their weaknesses which are that they are susceptible to burnout, they begin to rebel from small things because of burnout, they are exploitable, they become resentful, and they have trouble setting boundaries for others. By reading this book, Obligers can find ways to motivate themselves to do the things they want and strive for.
Lastly, Rubin discusses the tendency of Rebels which made the smallest population of her study at 17%. Rebels do not comply with outer or inner expectations unless they deem them right or useful. Their strengths are that they are independent minded, able to think outside the box, are unswayed by conventional wisdom, are willing to find their own way to avoid social norms, they are in touch with what they want, and they are spontaneous. Some of these strengths can turn into weaknesses if the people surrounding the Rebel are not open-minded to their thought process. Their weaknesses are that they are resistant to certain things, they are uncooperative, they can seem inconsiderate, they struggle with consistency, they ignore unwritten and written rules occasionally, they are restless and struggle with routines, and may be indifferent to reputation. By learning about Rebels you can spot them and figure out their point of view and open your world just a bit bigger.
The four tendencies are not something that changes easily, and they do not vary day-to-day or how you are feeling in the moment, they are constant. The beauty in consistency is that once you learn about the four tendencies and apply your awareness to the world around you, it helps you to navigate the mess of the thing we called life. Which is why I believe The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin is a very important read.
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